Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
