Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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