I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
