return my video game
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
