Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
