Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
