when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
