Only a mothe r could love this liver
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
