It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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