Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
