You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
