I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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