Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
