I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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