yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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