The maid of honor just puked.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
