WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
