Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
