yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
