I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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