8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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