you would pick up someone in the library
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
