You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
