I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
