Plan B is the new Plan A
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
