The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
