I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
