Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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