Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
