Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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