Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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