Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
