I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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