Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
