yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
