i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
