I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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