he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
