I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
