Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
