i was rollin on her like bob the builder
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
