I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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