I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
