you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
