walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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