She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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