Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
