just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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