you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
