he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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