piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
