Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
